Monday, July 11, 2011

One Step Closer we are. One step closer to building our family. More testing that turned out OK. There is nothing wrong with us...we aren't broken, we aren't screwed up, all parts are accounted for and working for the most part appropriately. Other then the fact that i don't ovulate and need to be started on Clomid. I am really excited to take this next step but also REALLY scared! If everything works out the way it should then we will get pregnant and have a baby. But oh boy! to have a baby! Yikes! I am ready but nervous.
I feel like there has to be a reason behind all of this. Why we were given this path to travel on? I truly feel like God has a reason and through everything there is a lesson to be learned. I haven't figured it out yet but have narrowed it down to some: God wants Chad and I to be stronger in our relationship before he brings a child into our lives. God wants us to be able to rely on each other, to depend on each other, and to lean on each other in scary and stressful times. I know that Chad has a hard time expressing anything and trying to be supportive isn't his strong suit but I really feel like this last round of tests showed him that I need him. I was a total mess of scared and he has never ever seen me break like this. I had to lean on him, to tell me it would be OK and to sit beside me while I cried in the middle of the waiting room. I feel like that one simple moment brought us a little bit closer. I feel scrambled and at times frustrated but also hopeful. I know that if I keep turning to God and keep working and leaning on chad, we will get through this.
Now just to get through all the hormones and mood swings!